What is love? The Bible talks about love in 4 different contexts: heart, soul, mind, and strength. But it also gives us an entire book devoted to love - not in the abstract as a concept, but in practice between two people: Song of Songs. Oddly enough, the book is often looked at in the abstract anyway; people try to suggest, "Here is a perfect allegory for the theoretical love that people can have for God and God has for us." Song of Songs has three Hebrew words for Love: Raya, Ahava, and Dode. Raya is the friendship love that desires to do things together, to engage each other's interests, and the genuine fact that you get along all the time. It has been described as a love that defines "soul mates." Ahava is the committment form of love that says, "In all of this vast universe, no matter what the circumstancse are, good or bad, and no matter at what point in my life we're at - more than anything, I want to be right here with you." Dode is the physical love that is concerned with the passionate kissing and fondling that lovers do. And when we talk about love in teh heart, soul, mind, and strength contexts we can see how each of these has their place. Let's see how the beloved (wife of Solomon) experiences each of the aspects of love in practice. 1. Heart Heart is all about emotions. Many people mistake this portion of love for the totality of it because it is the easiest to recognize and usually has the most control over our decisions. In fact, it has so much power that the beloved warns three times: "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." There is no doubt that the beloved speaks many of her words out of passion. This is not just because women tend to express their emotions more easily than men do, but because this expression of passion is her primary means of communicating to her lover how important he is. Point 1: To love someone with your heart is to express your emotions in a way that shows how much you value that person. She eagerly desires his kisses - the first thing she even says in this book. She wants to be swept off her feet - taken away. She wants to know where he is that she might run to him. His love is more delightful than wine, as if she could get drunk on it. But this emotion is not just for her benefit. She uses it to make his heart rejoice (3:11). She uses her emotions to drive her to pursue him while he is away (3:1-4). She seeks to entice his emotions (4:16; 5:8; 8:5). Point 2: Love is using your emotions for the good pleasure of the other. 2. Soul Love of the soul is primarily a spiritual matter. But the soul is also the source of what gives us our ability to choose. Many people understand that marriage exists not only for the benefit of men and women, but also for God's benefit, which is rooted in the spiritual interactions among people. Oddly enough, the beloved never once talks about God, nor heaven or hell, nor the spirit. But the bond between a husband and wife is innately spiritual. Twice, the beloved says "my lover is mine and I am his" (2:16;6:3) In both contexts she talks of him going off to accomplish his heart's desire. In the first instance (2:16) she urges him to flee and be as free as a young stag running along the hills. In the second, (6:3) he goes off to browse among the lilies. A third time does she say, "I belong to my lover," but this time it is that his desire is for her (as opposed to "my lover is mine"). On this occasion they go off to do their work in the vineyards together with her planning to express her love at that time as well. Moreover, she spends a good portion of the book counseling other young maidens, which his way of life has left her the freedom to do. Point 3: Love is giving the other freedom to choose and enabling them to accomplish the work God has set out for them, even personally helping the other in that task. A. Raya It seems rather plain that love of the heart and soul fits into the Raya form of love. The way that they feel when they are interacting and the things that they do together demonstrate this perfect bond that we could expect from soulmates. "My lover is mine and I am his" is the ultimate way of saying: "We're perfect for each other." They are one in spirit. They go out in the vineyards to work; they attend banquets; their hearts throb when in the other's presence; they feel a constant longing when one is missing. This bond of friendship is not something to be taken lightly. Point 4: Love is rooted in a deep friendship and cannot maintain without this foundation. 3. Mind The mind aspect of love also contains much of a choice element, but is primarily focussed on a continuing drive to know the other. The beloved is constantly learning new things about her lover that make her exclaim: "No wonder the maidens love you!" (1:3) And she chooses to teach him of the things that she has learned from her time growing up (8:2). All of her observations are things that she has learned of him and she longs to be with him to know him even more. She says, "Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away." It cannot be quenched because there is always more. You can never know everything about a person; if you are curious of your lover, you will realize that there is always a wellspring of information about the other person that will continue to lead to deeper and deeper intimacy. Rivers cannot wash it away because a committed mind is planted firmly in place and will not fail (1 Cor. 13:8). Point 5: Love is a constant curiosity of the other and thinking often of what you can learn from and about the other. B. Ahava Beyond friendship, these two lovers have decided that they will always be committed to each other. Most of their discourse is spent observing and learning about her lover. But their committment goes beyond all. She asks not only to be a seal over his heart - that he would always desire such intimacy with her until death, but also to be a seal on his arm that all could see his committment to her. That is why we have a wedding. People can very easily be married between only themselves, God and a Judge. But we invite all others along not only to celebrate, but to serve as witnesses to hold us secure to the committment that until our dying day, this is still the person you want to be with. Point 6: Love is a life-long committment. 4. Strength The physical care takes its place here. The lover goes off to pray for his beloved; he works to provide for her; he hears her desires and meets them; he takes care of his body so that she may enjoy him; and he pleases her physically. Many of the things observed are not just to know about the other, but also because they physically desire each other. The lover uses his strength for her, but she also uses her strength for him. She watches out for foxes in the vineyards; she physically gets out of bed in the middle of the night to search for him; she endures beatings for his sake; and she prepares herself to sleep with him. Point 7: Love is looking out for the other's needs and desires above your own. C. Dode This almost goes without saying, but these two are physically enamored with each other. They're just looking for a chance to have sex. There is no doubt about that. But their desire is not for their own bodily pleasure, but out of a motivation to please the other. She spreads her perfume to arouse him; she gives him choice fruit to entice him; and she says point blank: "there I will give you my love." The first words she utters are a request for his kisses. This physical passion is powerful and not to be underestimated. While the emotion aspect of love is the most powerful of the 4 virtues, it is strongest when applied to the physical. Separately these two may not hold much flair. A woman who has no emotional connection to her lover will not likely care much for the physical interaction; nor would a man be able to truly connect with his beloved emotionally if not for the physical passion that drives him (again, not for his own good pleasure, but out of a desire to see her fully pleased). But when you mix these two, fireworks go off. Point 8: Love is the physical attraction between two people. The Mixing Love is
using your emotions for the benefit of the other and not for self-pleasure
giving the other freedom to accomplish God's work for their lives and helping in that task
being curious about the other and wanting to know them more - beyond your desire to be known
placing the physical needs of the other above your own and seeking to meet both needs and desires You know when you are in love when
you are able to interact in numerous areas of love and continue to want to spend more and more time with the other such that you would think of yourself as soul mates
no matter what circumstances or place of life you are in, there is nowhere in the world that you would rather be than with that person - you are fully committed for life
your desire is not only for your own physical pleasure, but also to see the other fully pleased. Drop any one of these and you will see how things start to fall appart. Ahava and Dode without the Raya creates couples who are miserable together except when having sex, but will remain that way because they are committed. Raya and Ahava without the Dode creates frustrated lovers who have no way to express the overflow of their love for one another. Raya and Dode without the Ahava creates couples who are prone to cheat on the other or leave when they experience better Raya or Dode with another. | 
